Pet Peeve #036 – Self-depreciating Humour

I love humour.

I love love self-depreciating humour. It’s quite funny, and sometimes it quells the uncomfortable awkwardness. It’s a pretty good tool for your self-confidence too.

BUT I FUCKING HATE WHEN SOMEONE ABUSES SELF-DEPRECIATING HUMOUR.

How this genre of humour works is that, you can only use it once or maybe twice at most. Maybe use it again in approx. 32 months if you really need/want to use it the third time.

Here’s an example:

Skinny Friend: Shit, I need to go for a run, all those carbs!

Fat Me: Ah, yes. But look at me you’ll feel better 🙂

(Okay, I know it’s not exactly funny but just go with this)

You cannot use this “I’m fat” joke again. Seriously. If you do, you’re just fucking begging for a fucking pity party. Instead of quelling awkward situations, you’re just fucking inviting the army of fucking awkward nation. People will get uncomfortable, they will painfully laugh, they will stumble a step backwards, their eyes will desperately search for the exit sign, while they mumble softly, “Ha ha, c’mon……you’re not fat….ha ha……you’re..you’re fine! Ha ha…”

Nobody likes self-pity. You don’t have to keep making jokes about your fats, or the fact that you’re all alone, or that you’re depressed, or that you’re just a pathetic bag of buttface. Nobody wants to hear all that, just stfu. We are not your psychiatrist, we are not here to make you feel better about yourself. Honestly, we don’t even want to be here with you.

Gosh, there are rules to humour guys!! Follow the fucking rules!! Listen to me!! I’m always right!!

 

You know I’m right,

Sullen

Pet Peeve #035 – A Lending Ear? Yeah, Right

If I can solve something myself, I would. I don’t need your mortal help. But sometimes, when I finally needed help or maybe just someone to hear me rant. You know what they do? They compare it to their problem.

“Mine is worst.”

“I always get this, it’s no big deal.”

Oh okay, since you’re okay with it, I should be okay too right? I mean after all we are the same person, right? I mean totally, we share the same feelings and all. Right, right, gotcha.

Seriously,

Sullen

 

Pet Peeve #034 – Stickers Residue

Whenever I buy something, I get really excited.

Pens, bottles, storage boxes, makeup, etc, etc.

You get the idea.

And almost of all these little things have one of those annoying little stickers with the IBAN numbers or the suppliers’ logo or some other nonsensical thing. And these stickers caused me great heartache. They don’t come off easy. They are ugly. They are useless. ANDDD they leave sticky residues!!!! Oh my god, you would think they would come up with a better sticker by now. Mergh.

Fuck Stickers,

Sullen

P.s You could use a damp cloth with olive oil and rub it away. Or, you could send a very harsh letter to that stupid company 🙂

Love Lessons 101: White Pants

I am just not a fan of it.

White pants, on either gender, just screamed “I’ve Got Issues!” to me.

Why would a sane person donned a white pants out in the dirty, dirty world?

You might think it is brave. I think it is just plain ridiculous and dumb as fuck.

You must be careful of them white pant-ers. They obviously got some real issues. They are out to play with your feelings.

I am looking out for you, my dear normal coloured-pants-wearer.

Love,

Dr Sullen

Pet Peeve #033 – Small Weddings

So I have this friend who apparently said, “I really hate big weddings! I love small weddings! It’s so intimate!”

And then, she go ahead and planned a monstrous wedding with 57 different outfits, and 32 different locations (just kidding, but you get the idea).

You see, I’m not a big fan of big weddings, but I get the sentiment behind it (once in a lifetime blahblah). What I do hate is, people saying they “hate big weddings” just because it’s the hipster thing to say. Just stfu okay? what’s wrong with you. Nobody cares what you like, just do whatever the shit you want, stop announcing shit to the world and doing just the opposite of that.

It’s fucking annoying, even though it doesn’t really affect me. It’s just annoying okay? You’re very annoying. I mean like really annoying.

Irked,

Sullen

Pet Peeve #032 – Morning Small Talks

So, if you’re an employer. Or maybe a supervisor. Or maybe a team leader or, whatever it is that is your position, when you take the same lift as  your colleague or your team in the morning, what do you say?

Let me tell you what NOT to say.

  1. “Hey good morning! So, did you manage to submit the report yesterday?”
  2. “Oh hi! How are you this morning? Did you get my email yesterday?”
  3. “Good morning! Did you see Steve’s reply?”
  4. “Hi! You’re looking good, oh yeah, by the way, we have a meeting later at 10 am yeah?”

You do not want to talk about work in the lift. In the morning. Just stfu. Seriously, this is good advice I am giving. Just sftu. Smile, nod, say good morning, lie about how good they look, yada yada but that’s it. No more. Do not talk about work. emails, meetings, reports, deadlines etc etc.

It is hard getting up in the morning. It is hard dragging yourself to work. It is hard, okay? They don’t want you to remind them of 8 shitty hours they will be having (with you, especially). They already know it. So, just stfu okay?

Ssssshhhhhhhhh,

Sullen

Pet Peeve #031 – Office Politics

Office fucking politics.

Wherever you go, there will always be office politics because there will always be humans & their selfishness.

Sometimes, it’s just a matter of who they need to get rid of to secure their position. And obviously, getting rid of a person, destroying him/her career, making him/her scramble for a new job to survive, is the only logical thing to do. Of course! It makes sense right? What else can you do if someone threatens your position??? You don’t face up to the problem!! No, you don’t!!! You get your boss to serve him/her a warning letter and destroy everything he/she have ever built up!! Thats the only way to do it. Yes it is!!!!!

I will not take such nonsense. I will not stay and prove that whatever was said of me was not true. I will not stay and make my life miserable. I rather be poor than angry & sad. Life is too short to prove shit to people who don’t matter.

Happiness > Job,

Sullen