Love Lesson 101: PMS Awareness

What is the key to love & happiness, you might ask? Not PMS, obviously.

I know how tough and weird PMS is.

It creeps on you. It tingles. You feel It in your vein. You don’t even realize It. You try to enjoy your day. You brush It off. It builds up. It is a monster. It feast on your dissatisfaction. It gobbles up your frustration. It grows.

And when It is bigger than yourself, man! It blows on your fucking face, and everyone’s else within a 786 meter radius. And man, can It blow the fuck up! Quite a show, really.

PMS is a funny thing. You only ever realize it after it blows up. You be all “Ohhh, no wonder I was feeling all pissy! It is PMS, not me! I would never do that normally! I wouldn’t have screamed at you for not washing your cup! I wouldn’t have burned all your clothing! I wouldn’t have smashed your PS4! No, no! That’s not me! It’s PMS, darling!”

Nope. Don’t try that bullshit. PMS is you. Don’t try to get out of it. Don’t try to blame it on PMS. If it grows inside you, if you harbour it, if you feel it, that means its you. C’mon now. We are not the kind of humans who push around the blame, am I right? Let’s face up to it, let’s own it, let’s be responsible!

What I am trying to say is, keep track of your PMS. I know it is very hard to control. But you can keep track of it and hence, manage it. Taadaa! Seriously, there are TONS of apps that are made to track your PMS. I mean, PMS is so crazy that people actually developed a tracker! And when you track it, you need to manage it. Don’t just track it, what is the fucking point. The point is to know when is the danger period and try to minimize the destruction it would cause. Be nice, don’t shove your nasty feelings into someone and spoil their day too.

When you know you are nearing your PMS, just be more aware. Be more in control. Take care of what you say and what you do. It is not easy with all those raging fucked up hormones, but just try okay? Just think before you do or say anything. Take a huge deep fucking breath and think, “Hmm, if I scream GO AND FUCKING WASH YOUR FUCKING CUP YOU ASSHOLE, is it too harsh? Hmm yes, he would prolly be angry. Hmm, yes that would start an argument. Hmm, I don’t want to argue, Hmm, okay I’ll ask nicely then”

There you go! Brava! You did it! Cup washed and no argument! Say whaaa! Magic! What a time to be alive!

It really is the key to a happy & stress-free relationship. If you are spouting all these terrible words and accusations and insults and harshness every time your PMS comes by, I don’t think any partner or friend (or anyone, really) can take that in the long-term. Do you want to be alone & be left with your PMS all your life? No you don’t. So take care of your PMS. Pet it and put it to sleep if you can. Feed it sleeping pills. Shush it. Sing it a lullaby. Don’t let it get out of control. Don’t let it blow up. You are stronger than it!

Remember, friends! Words are impactful! They hurt, and they will be remembered. Forever. And Ever.

So, to sum this post up,

  1. PMS is shit
  2. Nobody likes PMS, least of all your friends/family/partner
  3. Track & manage your PMS. It is a responsibility. Be serious about it, goddamit.
  4. Think carefully before you say or do ANYTHING
  5. And lastly, just remember that if you’re feeling really shitty, the first rule is not to make the other person feel shitty too

You will live happily ever after once you conquer this (what fairytales often forgot to include is that all the princesses manage their fucking PMS-es)!

Get your shit together woman.

Love,

Dr. Sullen

Love Lessons 101: White Pants

I am just not a fan of it.

White pants, on either gender, just screamed “I’ve Got Issues!” to me.

Why would a sane person donned a white pants out in the dirty, dirty world?

You might think it is brave. I think it is just plain ridiculous and dumb as fuck.

You must be careful of them white pant-ers. They obviously got some real issues. They are out to play with your feelings.

I am looking out for you, my dear normal coloured-pants-wearer.

Love,

Dr Sullen

Love Lesson 101: Sacrifice

So, let me recap our last lesson – sweet nothings leads to expectations which eventually will leads to disappointment, heartache, resentment, depression blah blah.

Sacrifice (surprise surprise) leads to expectations which eventually leads to disappointment, heartache, resentment, depression blah blah, you get the idea.

You see, when you sacrifice something, in your head you think you’re the bigger person, you think you’re doing all this selflessly. No. Okay? You’re wrong.

Let me give you an example.

Tom loves Joe. Tom also loves socializing. Joe, not so much. Joe feels insecure. Tom feels that Joe > socializing, so, Tom made the “sacrifice” to cut down the socializing. Do they live happily ever after?

Of course not, this is not a fucking fairytale. In a couple of days/months/years when their love fades a little, Joe starts to stray a little. Joe started a little spicy, thrilling affair with Ben. Tom eventually found out. Tom is sad. Tom starts to think back. Tom thought about the “sacrifice” made. Tom gave up socializing for Joe but, Joe ended breaking Tom’s heart.

There is no relation between sacrificing socializing and unfaithfulness but somehow it managed to make Tom regrets the “sacrifice”.

You see, sacrifice (socializing) = expectations (Joe to remain faithful & forever grateful of the sacrifice) = heartbreaaaakkk. Damn, I’m a fucking scientist.

When you want to sacrifice something, you mustn’t think of it as a sacrifice for the other person. You may not realize it, but, you obviously do it because you want that other person to be feel so grateful, to feel so loved, to feel forever indebted to you & your “sacrifice”.

Always make a sacrifice without the baggage of expectations. Can you continue living if the person let you down despite you sacrificing something dear to you? If you can’t, forget it man, always put you first.

Sullen

Love Lesson 101: Sweet Nothings

Dear Naive Souls,

Do not get taken in by sweet nothings.

Sweet nothings are, by definition, the birth of expectations. And, we all know expectations will lead you to a world of bleakness & heartache.

Sweet nothings are not promises, or vows, or sacred honors meant to be kept till the last dying breathe. No, my darlings, it is nothing. It is empty. It is meaningless. It is worthless. There is nothing to it other than maybe making you feel a little special, a little loved, a little wanted. So don’t count on that wretched sweet nothings, you’re setting yourself for heartbreak – yet again.

I am sure before you found your “soulmate, love of my life, center of my universe, reason I breathe, answers to my prayers” you convinced yourself that you are a smart, independent soul, that you will never again fall for sweet words or empty promises. And here you are, right where you started – broken.

Maybe you tell yourself, “he’s different, he’s serious, he meant what he said, I can feel it, its real this time!“. Really? You can feel it? That’s what happen the last time, remember? You felt too much, it got too real, and you end up crumpled on the ground like a pathetic piece of a dying headless cockroach.

It is but, a temporary burst of euphoria.

Drench yourself in that moment of happiness, but nothing more okay?

Love always,

Sullen

Love Lesson 101: Smiling Shitheads

Hi there,

Please do not fall for someone who easily smiles.

There is obviously something fishy about that.

C’mon, the world isn’t so nice & glorious.

What the fuck are you smiling about?

What sort of dark secrets are you keeping in your dark, unsmiling soul?

You don’t fool me.

Smiling shitheads are not to be trusted with your fragile little heart.

I always have your back; I am never smiling.

Love Doctor,

Sullen

Love Lesson 101: Selfie

If you identify as a female, you need to take note.

Never, never, I repeat, neverrr, find a mate that takes pictures of himself (in several angle, mind you).

He will not be very dependable or nice or fun or anything positive.

I am totally generalizing them.

These selfie-loving males deserve it.

DOWN TO MAN-TAKING-SELFIE!!!!

Trust Me,

Love Doctor

Love Lesson 101: Googly Eyes

People are always blinded by love it seems. Or so they think.

Honestly, people in love are the worst pain in the ass kind of people. They are giggly, irrational, whiny, suspicious, & all those bad vibes. Even their voice seems to be an octave higher. I mean what is the issue with thaaat?

So what is so bad about all these right? I mean they are in love, let them enjoy this feeling of temporary euphoric. Right?

NO.

When they are in a situation that resembled what I’ve described above, slapped them to reality. Make sure you slapped them hard because 1) They are annoying and need to be shaken out of their oh-life-is-finally-falling-into-place-i’m-so-happy-i-can-die and also, 2) Slapping is really quite a fun activity. I wish I could do it all the time.

So my whole point is actually just stop being so idiotic and fucking irritating-ly mushy when you find another person who loves you. Just be a normal cool-yeah-i-know-you-love-me-i-love-you-too-but-let’s-not-call-each-other-strawberry-marshmallow kind of person. Stop pissing me off or I will curse you with five thousand years of bad luck (that’s right, you won’t even be able to find love in the after-life). Just be in love without all those nonsense shit streaming out of you. I would hate to hurt you..

Thank you for your understanding.

Doctor Love,

Sullen